This list was written in 2004 by some intersex activists in Atlanta. It is a good list, and gives great advise for anyone who wants to be understanding and not accidentally offend intersexuals, so I decided to post it.
INTERSEX LIST OF DEMANDS
Don’t assume you know someone’s sex based on how you perceive them or their gender.
Don’t assume all women have a vagina, uterus, etc.
Don’t assume all men have a penis, testes, etc.
Don’t fetishize our bodies.
Don’t use the word hermaphrodite to describe us unless we identify that way and give permission.
Don’t feel sorry for us.
Respect our sex identification.
Don’t exploit our existence to discredit biological determinism or other academic ideologies.
Know the difference between sex and gender.
Know the difference between intersexed and transgendered.
Don’t ask us or try to picture what our genitals look like.
Don’t ask us if we have sexual sensations.
Don’t assume you have the right to know intimate details of our bodies. We have the right to privacy and safety like all other people.
Realize we have historically been mutilated, fetishized, and made into freak shows. Understand how this affects us and our safety.
Don’t say “cool” or “weird” or treat us differently when we tell you we are intersexed.
Educate yourself!!! Read books on intersex.
Girl, woman, female; boy, man, male are not always interchangeable.
Don’t assume all intersex people are queer.
Realize that not all people with intersex condition are out.
Realize that not all people with intersex conditions even know that they are intersexed.
Remember that we are 1 in 100, and that is not rare at all!!!
Don’t call our conditions “disorders,” “retardations,” “abnormalities,” etc.
Realize that bodies come in all different shapes, sizes and with different parts.
Realize how fucking strong we are to speak up about the medical abuse and victimization we have been through and that we deserve mad props.
Don’t write us off as rare and unimportant. Don’t put off educating yourself for other “more important” issues.
In situations such as gender caucuses, keep in mind that not all the people who identify as women have similar genitalia, etc. Understand that we have been taught that our bodies are “wrong” and “ugly” and that it reinforces this when people say they love being women because of their vagina, uterus, etc., this reinforces those feelings. Woman does not necessarily = female. Man does not necessarily = male.